Trump Won’t Rule Out Exorcism as Form of Extreme Vetting

President Donald Trump is considering exorcism as a part of his extreme vetting of Muslims.
President Donald Trump is considering exorcism as a part of his extreme vetting of Muslims.

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Washington D.C. Speaking via satellite Monday morning on Fox and Friends, President Donald Trump defended his executive order on immigration which halts refugee entry into the United States for 120 days, and barred all citizens of seven predominantly Muslim nations from entering the US for three months.

“Again, just to be crystal clear, this is not a Muslim ban,” said Trump, “this is about keeping our country safe from radical Islamic terror.”

Asked what forms of “extreme vetting” would be taking place, Trump was vague but promised to “take every precaution necessary to keep Americans safe.”

It was when the subject of religion was broached that the conversation took a turn towards the bizarre. “Look here,” said the president, “we have Roman Catholic Priests all over the country ready and willing to perform exorcisms if and when necessary.”

An exorcism is a spiritual practice of purportedly evicting demons (Allah) or other spiritual entities (Muhammad) from a person they believe to be possessed. Depending on the spiritual beliefs of the exorcist, this may be done by causing the entity to swear an oath, performing an elaborate ritual, or simply commanding it to depart in the name of Jesus Christ.

This would mark the first time in US history that a religious test or ritual would be a requirement for incoming visitors and immigrants. “This country was founded on Judeo-Christian values,” Trump said, “and those who wish to engage in a holy war against our beliefs and principles simply do not belong hereperiod.”

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Fox News’ Sean Hannity praised the president for having the testicular fortitude to enact such a strict vetting process.

“Under Barack Obama, all a person had to do was show up. No questions asked.”

Hannity is confident President Trump’s extreme vetting will effectively eliminate terrorist acts on U.S. soil and strengthen relations with Muslim nations. “I believe once they see we have a President willing to say ‘radical Islamic terror’, they will understand we mean business and cease all terror operations immediately.”

Reports out of the Pentagon suggest the US will utilize former President Barack Obama’s FEMA camps as a staging area for all extreme vetting going forward.

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Westcoastliberal

He was kidding, are you serious?