UFC Fans Overwhelmingly Know What’s Best for Ex-Champion

Rousey-Cover
Fan like to tell Ronda Rousey what to do. Don’t tell her what to do.

In a new Pew poll, 98% of the respondents who self-identified as fans of Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) knew what former Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) Bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey should do next, many going as far as to post advice to her social media pages where she might find and follow it.

“She needs to stop trying to be a movie star and train,” wrote Scott Lothrop, who drew upon the vast martial arts experience he accrued while earning his orange belt in karate by the shocking young age of 5.

Fight fans from around the United States overwhelmingly responded to the Pew poll with a detailed analysis of the Olympic medal winner’s best hope for regaining her title, with some of the most popular recommendations stunning both fighters and trainers with their insight. The top three pieces of advice were:

  1. Don’t get hit.
  2. Hit her.
  3. Don’t get hit and hit her.

Continued below…

Ronda Rousey take down
This is what happens when you tell Ronda-Rousey what to do.

MMA commentator, comedian, and guy who used to make people eat animal cocks on television Joe Rogan expressed amazement at what he described as, “some of the most profound words I’ve ever read,” continuing by pointing out, “I didn’t expect to see this level of nuance and understanding from a bunch of jackoffs who, judging by some of their Facebook photographs, spend most their time sucking down Budweisers on their over-sized couch and should probably shut the fuck up.”

Although not initially part of the poll, Pew pollsters reported that 74% of combat tacticians actively pantomimed what they would have done in Rousey’s place, though it became difficult to follow the narrative as almost all of them began wheezing within 30 seconds of recounting their brave exploits.

The 2% of MMA fans who declined to state what Rousey’s next move should be consisted almost entirely of men and women who had competed in combat sports themselves.

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Jon Reremy, PhD
When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.
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