United States to Annex Parts of India/Donate Anne Hathaway

United States plans an mutual invasion of India.
United States plans a mutual invasion of India.

Washington, DC — In an effort to improve high technology productivity and capitalize on the current booming economy in that sector, the Obama Administration is proposing annexing several high-tech and financial cities on the Indian subcontinent.

The executive order, which calls for annexing India’s most productive cities, is expected to meet with some fierce resistance in the Congress.

“Let me be clear,” said a confident President Obama in a 2015 press conference, “India and the United States share so much in common, from our love of cola beverages to re-runs of the Simpsons. So that is why I’m proposing creating mini-US zones over the country where we can encourage Indians to become more ‘American.'”

According to executive order 13597, the plan targets three “technology and financial” centers in India including Bangalore, Mumbai and Goa. Delhi, being the capital of the country, was spared this neo-colonization.

In phase 1, which is slated to start in November 2018, the United States will force its way into the city centers not with the military, but with large American corporate food restaurants. If Phase 1 goes according plan, a more serious Phase 2 gets initiated internally called “Operation Reverse Visa or ORV.”

Phase two is an ambitious plan which includes annexing several high technology “parks” in Bangalore, and introducing “American-like” banking practices to the financial institutions in Mumbai. A Disney-styled theme park will be built in Goa.

If Phase 2 goes as planned, Phase 3 kicks in to consume larger portions of relative Indian States. This phase also includes a “loaner” of American actress Anne Hathaway to star in as many as four Bollywood films. Ms. Hathaway did not approve of this action, and gained over 45kg (100lbs) to avoid the travel. She’s still going.

Anne Hathaway attempted to gain weight to avoid travel to India via Obama's executive order.
Anne Hathaway attempted to gain weight to avoid travel to India via Obama’s executive order.

The Indian citizens, or as the ORV plan calls them “subjects,” will be compensated using $20.00 United States Treasury bonds. These bonds will not be paid directly to the people, but rather to the Delhi government over the course of 10 years.

Critics of the plan accuse the administration of a kind of voluntary “neo-colonialism” which create what amount to American colonies where its citizens have little or no representative powers in the United States.

This is similar to other such “Nationals” who live in American Samoa, Guam, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands. They can elect one nonvoting delegate to the U.S. House of Representatives, who is permitted to cast votes on amendments to a bill but not its final passage. Many of these “unincorporated territories” serve as tax havens for America’s rich and elite. Some speculate that this is a primary reason for not making these modern-day colonies full-fledged states.

The executive order is expected to face a series of challenges in the United States Congress who has been traditionally concerned with outsourcing of jobs overseas. However Senator and Presidential Candidate Marco Rubio (R-FL) had this to say.

“”I’m calling on everyone–the President, members of both parties, and stakeholders in the tech community–to support this executive order and help make it the first step towards a real global US workplace,” he said in a statement. “We must find make concrete progress to solve some of the many critical problems facing our nation. I generally do not support the President’s executive orders, but 13597 is an obvious solution to an undeniable need, and I want to work with everyone to get it done now.”

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