US Defense Department to Use GMO Chemtrail Birds

Artist's depiction of one of the DoD's "Chemtrail Birds."
Artist’s depiction of one of the DoD’s “Chemtrail Birds.”

Washington, D.C. — Gish Gallop has learned that United States Department of Defense has genetically modified certain species of birds to produce Chemtrails. The program, which is known internally as BP-345FA, has been in place for over 20 years with the sole purpose of producing select bird species that can produce gioengineering excrement and psychiatric drug dispersal goo.

“This has been a top priority for Defense Department researchers,” said a DoD information who wished to stay anonymous. “Government elites have planned for years for their conspiracy to be uncovered. You know, the obvious airplane jet-turbine spraying program? There was only so long they could fool people into thinking it was contrails. So this GMO bird program was the backup plan.”

According to the insider, the DoD choose seabirds as the most obvious flying animal for  chemtrail dispersal.

“Think about it,” continued the informant. “Everyone is used to the stereotype of a seabird crapping on everything. You know, seagulls, pelicans and egrets. No one thinks of a bald eagle or a robin spreading crap everywhere, so it was the perfect cover.”

The program, which is entering its 11th year plans on releasing its first round of 734 Pelicans starting in August just prior to the 2 mile wide Comet impacts Earth in September destroying all life and incinerating the atmosphere.

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Sorry, I thought it said PSYCHEDLIC. Never mind.