North San Juan, CA — Local Sierra Super Stop parking lot orator and ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced the discovery of a completely safe and effective method for neutralizing the blanket of chemtrails over Nevada County.
“‘Vaping,” he told Gish Gallop while staring directly into the Sun, “my research is clear that vaping eliminates chemtrail particles that have accumulated around an individual.”
The surprising new finding comes from a week’s long research project in which Wolford experimented by vaping and looking up at the sky above him.
“The key is to create as large a vape cloud as possible around yourself,” Wolford said, “the denser and larger the vapor cloud the better. If you get a good enough cloud you will see chemtrails vanish by the time it clears.”
“All vape flavors work,” Wolford continued, “but any flavor meant to mimic the taste of a childhood cereal is especially effective at breaking down even the toughest nano-aluminum particles.”
The full results of the study were published in Wolford’s spiral notebook. Gish Gallop was allowed to review the study although key sections were written using symbols created and understood only by Wolford.
“I’ve got to keep this science from falling into the wrong hands,” Wolford explained.
Wolford initially became curious about the connection between vaping and chemtrails after a chance conversation with a local vape industry entrepreneur.
“He had never seen a chemtrail,” Wolford said, “the first person I ever met that can say that. I couldn’t believe it.“
Wolford purchased all products the entrepreneur had on hand and placed a bulk order to keep himself supplied well into the future.
“The federal government will definitely be coming for our vape pens after this discovery,” he said “so stock up.”
The White House could not be reached for comment.