Fairfax, VA — The George Mason University (GMU) School of Economics announced this week that it is offering online “crash” American History courses for Russian troll farms. The courses will be available for a nominal fee, payable by bitcoin[preferred] and rubles, and highlights topics designed to “trigger” middle and working-class Americans on social media.

“The George Mason is the perfect choice for such a program,” said Professor James Badwater of the University of Chicago’s Badwater Institute of Public Policy and Hygiene. “You couldn’t find a better home for reactionary, data-less economics than GMU.”

The department stresses the importance of Masonomics, which according to its website “is neither politically “left” nor “right”. Rather, it is founded on principles that stress the value of free markets in promoting peace and prosperity.”

Critics Concerned

Critics claim that GMU Econ’s support of “Public Choice,” a theory that espouses among other things that there is nothing beyond human selfishness, and the Austrian School economic heterodox, which is ironically adverse to mathematics, data and science, merely serves the interests of the powerful elite and other assholes.


“They’re about extreme, political change there,” continued Professor Badwater. “They certainly want that particular kind of Russian oligarchy here in America. They’re not interested in reforming anything. They want to restructure American society via judicial appoints and Constitutional amendments. And, they understand how the Russians are key allies. The Russians have succeeded in transforming their country into a plutocracy.”

The Course Outline

The online course, titled How to Quickly Win With Selective American History, will draw heavily on the 2013 publication by GMU alumni David L. Johnstown How to Make Sure Your American Talking Points Are Included in Every Conversation: A Handbook. Previous editions covered a wide range of topics, including “How to Justify White Nationalism as the Expression of Free Humans” and the controversial “The American Irish Were Slaves Too, By Choice.” 


Now in its 14th edition, which was updated in 2017, Mr. Johnstown has added several Koch Brothers and Donald Trump talking points to his essential work:

  • The importance of saying Benghazi, Venezuela, and Communist every other sentence
  • How to point out that even when you’re losing, you’re winning
  • It’s not dishonesty and lying. It’s persuasion
  • Libtards: It’s OK to use slurs to distract Americans
  • How to explain to libtards why Trump doesn’t have a dog
  • Whataboutism: how libtards try to use logic to derail #MAGA
  • No one ever worked for a poor person, and other lies you should tell the working class

And another additional 37 topics designed to thwart any productive discussion on social media. A spokesperson for Koch Industries, a major sponsor of the school, said they were delighted with this development.

“We started working with GMU going back to 1970,” said Koch spokesperson Bethany Millbright. “Back then, it was the visionary work of Nobel Laureate James Buchanan. He taught us that there was no reforming the system; that there was no improving the system. The system, he argued, had to be rebuilt in the image of the country’s handlers. This online course furthers our 50-year agenda of restoring the United States to its property owners, and not the angry, democratic masses.”

This January saw its first enrollment with over 150 students from a Russian “troll center” in Saint Petersburg. According to GMU, they expect thousands to participate in their “rolling admissions” throughout the coming weeks.

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