Mother’s Beach, Yuba River — In what some are hailing as a strange, yet explainable situation, former Grass Valley City council member and secret letter-writing professional Steve Enos was spotted with Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin sunbathing at the popular Yuba River swimming hole. According to eyewitnesses, both had their shirts off and were discussing various Machiavellian ruling policies.
Coincidentally, Nevada County Gish Gallop President Louis “Lou” LaPlante and his wife Mariette had reported that two of their prized alpacas had escaped through a hole in their fence created by a downed tree. The alpacas were last seen heading down a river drainage that leads to a spot above Mother’s Beach. Subsequent reports of men resembling Putin and Enos barbecuing alpaca meat over a beach fire have not been independently confirmed.
Russian insiders have denied Mr. Putin’s last-minute vacation to get his “wits together” before launching World War III, however Mr. Enos issued a press release to the local newspaper The Union Sunday night explaining his actions down at the famous swimming spot.
“I felt it improper to divulge the whereabouts of the Russian President,” said Mr. Enos in his letter to the Union, “because of national security ‘n all. As we both huge Elvis fans, we discussed his final resting place in Bakersfield. After dining on some local alpacas, I convinced him that he needed to return to his country to make preparations for the impending war. I kinda ‘made him an offer he could not refuse’ by implying what I did with Terry. He gazed into my eyes and knew I was sincere. It’s great being taken so seriously by such a powerful man. People just don’t ‘get’ him.”
There are unconfirmed reports that President Putin spent two days in Nevada City’s Outside Inn Rock Climbing Suite and was spotted late Saturday night rushing around Sacramento International Airport before boarding his private jet presumably heading back to Moscow. Witnesses reported Mr. Putin looked well-rested and tanned.