Moscow, Soviet Russia — Current Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin is set to honor Nevada City resident Sairhra Ruman in what is said to the be the first award ever received by an American. The controversial Russian leader made this announcement during one of his popular “call in” he hosts once a month from the Скетчинг и дизайн Auditorium in Moscow.
“I wish more Americans were tough like Sairhra,” said President Putin during his broadcast via a translator. “Americans are like sheep and their leaders are brought to the slaughter by the capitalist banks and bankers. She said I was reasonable, and that give me hope that America will not be a threat to the rest of the world.”
According to the Putin Administration, Ms. Ramun will receive the Russian Federation Star Medallion for her work in exposing the global Jewish conspiracy to control the economy. It’s the highest honor any non-Russian citizen can receive. The last recipient was the late President of Venezuela Hugo Chavez after he successfully silenced hundreds of journalists in 2009.
However critics point out that Putin is a de facto dictator who employs Stalinist tactics to eliminate his enemies, most notably using his power to crush and murder journalists who disagree or criticize him. When confronted with this criticism, Ms. Ramun bristled.
“The west is clearly mounting efforts to start a war with Russia,” said Ms. Ruman via a megaphone on Nevada City’s Broad Street, frightening several tourists. “Wake up sheeple. Your elections are being stolen from you. It’s time to make our country great again like Putin has done with Russia. The bankers and elites are turning you into obedient minions. Time to wake up.”
There is no word on when the prestigious Putin award will arrive in Nevada City, but according to the Kremlin, it is likely to happen on the President’s annual fishing trip to the Yuba River in early September.