Waterford Whispers News Mistaken For Nursing Home Newsletter

Nursing-Home-Resident
Waterford Whispers Nursing Home resident Edward Stein is still constipated following the mix-up.

Waterford, Ireland — The Waterford Whispers News is a popular satirical website with stories from a variety of English topics. Recently, the WWN received some angry letters from residents in Waterford Whispers Nursing Home located Allentown, Pennsylvania.

Residents awoke to copies of what they thought would be the normal nursing home newsletter, but instead they found WWN stories. Gish Gallop spoke with traumatized Waterford Whispers Nursing Home resident Edward Stein.

“This is bullshit, I can’t read this boring English crap when I’m trying to use the toilet, it made me constipated,” he exclaimed.

Greta Drew, the social activities coordinator for the home was beside herself.

“I cannot believe this happened,” she cried. “Who would do such a thing? English humour is worse than death. I mean, it’s nothing like Mel Brooks. That’s funny. Endless stories about Jamie Oliver? How’s that remotely funny?” After taking a few deep breaths, she continued. “I’m not sure who did this, it is nothing short of cruel. These people are dying, they just wasted more of this time reading this garbage. Who the hell cares how a loser likes his steak?”

The nursing home is doing an internal investigation to determine who the culprit is. They are also preparing for a barrage of cruelty to elder lawsuits that are being filed.

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Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.