Wayne Brown Correctional Facility Voted Best Winter Resort by Via Magazine

AAA's Via Magazine has selected Nevada County's Wayne Brown Correctional Facility as a top vacation pick.
AAA’s Via Magazine has selected Nevada County’s Wayne Brown Correctional Facility as a top vacation pick.

Nevada County, CA — In what began as an unintentional delivery of 3000 copies of Via Magazine to Wayne Brown Correctional Facility has turned into a big win for their public image. This issue of AAA’s Via included a prepaid postcard to determine the readers pick of best winter resort. Gish Gallop gained exclusive access to the comments for the winner, Wayne Brown.

“Wayne Brown really understand how to take care of my needs,” stated C.W.

“I just let my warrants pile up and turn myself in before winter. Life is tough up on Cruzon Grade and even when I do score a fresh roadkill deer you gotta string ’em up for a week before they get tender. Ain’t nobody got time for that,” was the comment for H.W.

“If you don’t look them in the eye, the guards can be real accommodating,” from D.D.

“Wayne Brown keeps me warm through the coldest winters,” was the response from B.J.

It appears that inmates may have voted numerous times since nearly 2900 votes were received for Wayne Brown. The American Automobile Association which publishes Via Magazine has no intention of performing a recount.

“The spring issue with the winning result has already gone to print and will soon be distributed in eight western states,” an anonymous source at AAA told us.

Wayne Brown Correctional Facility was dedicated on December 17, 1991 and can house up to 283 inmates. As spring flowers open up their petals so do the doors of this county jail to newly released inmates. We performed a quick exit survey and the mood was overwhelming supportive.

“I got a GoFundMe set up and my fans hook me up with the kind commissary. I love me some Doritos and Ramen,” a well-known Molly dealer told us as he enjoyed the sunshine of freedom.

It is yet to be seen if other county jails will take this a signal to step up their inmate service levels.

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Larry Ryder grew up in the upstate town of Saratoga Springs, New York. As a young boy he enjoyed licking the cream cheese off of bagels and throwing the remains at tourists. His father worked at the Naval Nuclear Base close by in Balston Spa. He snuck young Larry onto the base one day so Larry could press his face up to the viewing window for the reactor. This ignited Larry's interest in Nuclear Physics and after taking apart old smoke detectors to build a decay reactor he received a full scholarship to MIT where he received his Masters Degree in Nuclear Physics. Devoted to his job and wife Darleen, his world was shattered when she died after being folded up in a IKEA futon while taking a short nap induced by a large dose of mashed potatoes and meatballs. Completely devasted he quit his high paying job at 3 Mile Island shortly before the meltdown. All of his savings went into the purchase of an ice cream truck and customizations by a Los Angeles low rider shop. He can be now seen cruising the back streets of North San Juan selling his patented "Hempsicles" and nitrogen cooled "Trippin Dots". His reporting career started one fateful day when he started talking to fish down at the Middle Fork of the Yuba River. The fish promised him riches and maybe some friends if he started reporting the truth as he saw it. Larry and the fish ended up taking a trip upstream where they took turns riding down the Falls. Larry was most amused with the fish and decided to start his career as a freestyle reporter. Larry enjoys long walks in the Diggins and walking his imaginary dog, Freedo. He is currently single but still emotionally tender from his wife's death.
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