Weight Loss Guru Jenny Craig Chokes To Death on a Ding Dong

Weight loss guru Jenny Craig has died after ingesting a Ding Dong.
Weight loss guru Jenny Craig has died after ingesting a Ding Dong.

Rancho Santa Fe, CA —  The passing of an icon is never easy, and often steeped in irony. So it goes for Genevieve Guidroz Craig, better known to the world as weight loss guru, Jenny Craig. She was 83 years old.

The details of Ms. Craig’s passing have been kept close to the vest by authorities and family members alike. Gish Gallop was able to gain exclusive access to Ms. Craig’s personal nurse and caregiver, Jielly D’onut, who first discovered Jenny’s lifeless body. I asked Ms. D’onut if she would recount the hours prior to the death of Ms. Craig for our readers.

“We had a very nice and normal morning,” Ms. D’onut recalled. “We ate our usual Jenny breakfast and made our rounds of the horse ranch in the golf cart. We returned to the house where Ms. Jenny made some business and personal phone calls. I gave Ms. Jenny her midday medications and she retired for her nap. When I went to her day room to awaken her, she was gone. I searched the house for her, calling her name, but there was no answer. That sort of behavior was very out of character for Ms. Jenny and I was worried.”

Ms. D’onut phoned ranch manager, Kim Hefty, and they began a search.

“When I got to the hay shed, I could see two bare feet sticking out,” recounted Ms. D’onut fighting back tears. “There she was, her skin a bluish hue with chocolate and cream smeared all about her face. I knew immediately what had happened.”

When pressed for details, Ms. D’onut continued. “The last few years that Mr Craig was with us, he had gotten to the point where he could no longer tolerate those drab, frozen Jenny meals and cardboard desserts. He always kept a stash of high carb foods and treats in the hay shed. He would sneak out to the shed several times a day for a treat, usually a few Hostess Ding Dongs, his favorite. After Mr. Craig passed, I couldn’t bring myself to clear the treats from the shed. The investigators and Ms. Jenny’s doctor concluded that she had found the sweet treats and lost control, forcing one stale ding-dong after another down her throat. If only she had a glass of milk.”

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