London, England — According to a contributor on Gwyneth Paltrow’s alternative lifestyle blog Goop.com, you should consider a personal hygiene regimen that the actress has used for years: the kombucha douche. Naturopathic ‘Doctor’ Jason Aabheer Dobson suggested douching as much as two times per day with a homemade recipe.
“Don’t just use any kombucha,” said Mr. Dobson who is not a Doctor, nor has any medical training. “You have to use one specifically fermented above your refrigerator. And it must be filtered. You do not want any of the mother going up your hoo-hoo. Besides, that would be weird and ironic.”
According to Mr. Dobson, Ms. Paltrow started “kombucha douching” shortly after she started her now famous recommendations for vaginal steaming. She found the experiences “refreshing and exhilarating” and has been administering what is normally a pro-biotic beverage into her lady parts for the past two years.
“I don’t know how the idea came to me,” said Ms. Paltrow speaking with Gish Gallop via telephone, “but after a steaming session, my friend Jess had one of her homemade kombuchas. I thought, ‘what better way to encourage vaginal flora than with kombucha?’ So I tried it and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done. Now I do it everywhere. In the car; on dates; I even did the other day at a funeral, which I admit was a bit odd especially when I let out a giggle.”
However not everyone is convinced that women should be squirting kombucha into their vaginas.
“I would go as far to say people should not attempt anything Gwyneth Paltrow does,” said renown Kansas City, MO gynecologist Dr. John Hammerit. “Just don’t go to her site. Please ignore her.”
Dr. Jason Aabheer Dobson sells a special Gwyneth kombucha douche formula on Goop.com for $12.95/oz plus shipping.