Wiccan Sky Dragon to Fight Chemtrails

Artist's rendition of "Juban," Skyy Wolford's Chemtrail-fighting Wiccan Sky Dragon
Artist’s rendition of “Juban,” Skyy Wolford’s Chemtrail-fighting Wiccan Sky Dragon

North San Juan, CA — North San Juan resident and chemtrail researcher Skyy Wolford is relieved that someone is finally doing something about all the Chemtrail “geoengineering” that is taking over our planet. He recently learned that Juban, the Wiccan Sky Dragon, is coming to defend the skies against Bill Gates and his Illuminati friends.

“I am so happy that the Wiccan Sky Dragon is coming to end this madness,” said Mr. Wolford in a land line telephone interview from an undisclosed location. “It’s obviously going to take a creature like Juban to end this Earth-altering madness.”

According to sources close to Mr. Wolford’s borderline pathological imagination, the Wiccan Sky Dragon will attack all Chemtrail-producing aircraft in one magical bite, severing the aircraft in two thus “saving the planet from the diabolical project to poison us with chemtrail gases and mystery goo like nitrogen, oxygen, CO2, coal ash and even argon,” according to Mr. Wolford.

When asked about the implications of biting commercial airliners in half and the possibility of mistaking a regular passenger plane for a Beale Air Force Base Chemtrail Disbursement Vehicle or BAFBCDV, Mr. Wolford replied, “I’m hoping that Juban will act as a deterrent so it will not come to aggression. Peace via strength, you know? But the Sky Dragon is willing to use force to maintain the balance of the skies and Mother Earth.”

Mr. Wolford is not a scientist, nor does he have any scientific training. He did spend two semesters at Sierra Community College studying psychology until he decided “school was not right for him.” The 34 year old retired to North San Juan to sell fake local crystals to Yuba River tourists that he sourced from Malaysia. Since then, Mr. Wolford has focused his attention on what he feels are the most pressing issues of the day: FEMA camps, the campaign to forcibly poison us with vaccinations, and of course chemtrails.

It is unclear at the time of this writing exactly when Mt. Wolford’s Wiccan Sky Dragon will start operations, but it’s clear that it stands little hope against F-16s .