New York, NY — Following a subtle brand placement glimpse in Season 8, Episode 4 of the “Game of Thrones,” the kingdom of Winterfell announced its own coffee franchise dubbed “Starkbucks.”
“It was entirely intentional,” stated Kevyne Glover, of House Glover and marketing director for Winterfell. “We built this brand from the grounds up by testing the different roasts and blends during set breaks. We got the cast and crew’s feedback over the course of nine years of production. Toward the end of filming, we thought, hey, let’s just sneak a little preview of the Starkbucks brand during a scene at the Winterfell castle.’
“It works best when some obsessed fan with OCD finds a small production mistake and brags about it on the Internet,” he added. “Of course one of them spotted it.”
“This went exactly as planned,” he added with a smirk.
Worldwide Plans Afoot
Starkbucks in Europe, Africa, and will feature original coffee and tea beverages to be served from small pop-up stands shaped like Winterfell castle in The Game of Thrones. In the U.S., the stands will be drive-through only based on that country’s majority non-walking demographic.
A sneak preview of the Starkbucks drinks lineup includes:
• Wildling Winter Warmer
• Tall Blond Brienne
• Night King Like-Really-Super-Freezing-Cold Iced Tea
• Arya Grande
• Lannister Twin Shot Espresso
• Giantsbane Gulp (served in a large recyclable drinking horn)
Some Not Amused
While its fans appear to be wildly enthusiastic about the launch of GoT-themed coffee shops, fictional characters from other story franchises have their own opinions.
Tony Stark, of the Marvel Comics Universe, is not amused.
“After ‘Avengers: Endgame,’ I was launching my own Starkbucks line of super-hero outerwear and snap-on robotic prosthetics. This was going to naturally branch into turbo-charged Starkbucks coffee and high-protein Starkbucks workout snacks.
“They are going to have an epic fight on their hands for the rights to this name,” he vowed.
The Final Battle
Who will win this unprecedented legal battle amongst a bunch of fictional characters and their all-too-nonfictional trademark attorneys?
Will it be “Game of Thrones” or “The Avengers” who will prevail in the lucrative naming rights?
More importantly, who would win in a throw down match between Cersei and Thanos?
Who are we kidding? Everyone dies and the attorneys win. Always. The End.