Woman Hides from Jehovah’s Witnesses

Stephanie Aldleson waiting for the Jehovah's Witnesses to leave.
Stephanie Aldleson waiting for the Jehovah’s Witnesses to leave.

La Barr Meadows, CA — Local work-from-home woman Stephanie Aldleson has successfully avoided the 5th attempt of the Jehovah’s Witnesses to give her the Good News.

“Fortunately, I have a long driveway as you can see,” said Ms. Aldleson from the porch of her La Barr Meadows home. “So I can see them coming and I run to the back of the house and hide.”

Founded in 1870, the Jehovah’s Witnesseses are a millenarian restorationist Christian denomination with nontrinitarian beliefs distinct from mainstream Christianity. They are best known for their door to door proselytizing and for their extraordinary printing and pamplet distributing skills. They are best known for their popular insomnia publication Awake! and the world’s largest circulated, yet unread magazine, The Watchtower. [disclosure: Gish Gallop is an advertiser in The Watchtower].

“They’re very nice people. I talked to them years ago,” said Ms. Aldleson, “but they’ve been coming here almost every week. I think my ex boyfriend signed me up for them or something.”

Other than running and hiding behind one’s bed, Gish Gallop has some suggestions on how to avoid Jehovah’s Witnesseses:

  • Stage a sword fight. When they approach your door, answer it with energy and zeal. Also be swinging a sword.
  • Have a fake conversation with your split personality “Susan” as they start to talk to you. Get in an argument with her. Tell her she was wrong to leave the garage door open last night.
  • The old standby: answer the door naked. Gish Gallop add-on: remember to furiously scratch your butt.
  • Keep a box of old sex toys on the porch with a sign that says, “Free, slightly used.”
  • Don’t pretend to be a Satanist. They’re onto this trick. Instead, pretend to be Presbyterian.
  • Try the Acme disintegration gun as seen on Roadrunner cartoons. Note: not legal in all jurisdictions and subject to misfire.
  • Two words: Horse Mask.
  • Ask them nicely to leave and that you are not interested. We know, that’s really hard.
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Arletta SloanRANDY W FRICKEJoe Recent comment authors
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Arletta Sloan
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Arletta Sloan

I like the last point! Many is the time I have been in someone’s home and Jehovah’s Witneses have shown up and they hid. They were literally scurrying on the floor. Sometimes, it was the same people, repeatedly. I asked, “Why don’t you just tell them you are not interested?” and they would tell me they didn’t want to be impolite. Because, of course, nothing is more polite than scurrying behind your furniture and hiding in dread of having to talk to another human being. Lost some “friends” once, because, I got tired of them doing it, so I went… Read more »

RANDY W FRICKE
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RANDY W FRICKE

Don’t hide. All you have to do is ask them a few simple questions: 1. If Adam and Eve were literally the first people God created, where did all of the other races come from? 2. If Adam and Eve were literally the first people God created, why do all artist’s depictions show them with navels? 3. Who is your mediator? 4. The New Testament was written in Greek. The Greek language has no article “a”. Therefore, John 1:1 cannot be translated as the Witnesses do. I was at my mom’s once and a group of three approached. I told… Read more »

Arletta Sloan
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Arletta Sloan

Actually, if you asked those questions, you’d only inspire them to have deep and knowledgeable discussions with you, which would probably include a need for research and a return visit. Except # 3, which very simply is “Jesus Christ”. Also, there is no excuse for being rude. Simply saying that you are not interested and asking them not to call again is all that is needed. Anything else, and you are the one wasting your own time and theirs and causing your own frustration. This is their job, for Jehovah God – they must do it. If you don’t want… Read more »

Joe
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Joe

Wow, I think that she has been praying for help and she not seeing the answer at her door

Arletta Sloan
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Arletta Sloan

That certainly does happen a lot, doesn’t it? There has been mention of it at meetings, lately, how there are many people who are Jehovah’s Witnesses due to the prayer/knock scenario.