Woman Legally Incorporates Uterus to Avoid Government Regulation

Mary Penland of Fresno, CA has incorporated her uterus and vagina in an attempt to gain regulatory exemptions.
Mary Penland of Fresno, CA has incorporated her uterus and vagina in an attempt to gain regulatory exemptions.

Fresno, CA — Taking a page from the Republican Party’s handbook, Mary Penland of Fresno, CA has incorporated her uterus and vagina in an attempt to gain the many regulatory exemptions many corporations enjoy. Ms. Penland decided to take this radical move after what she saw as the unnecessary invasion of her body by the government.

“For the longest time,” said Ms. Penland in a Gish Gallop Telephone interview, “I tried to give the government the benefit of the doubt. I mean, who in their right mind thinks abortion is a good thing? Anyhow it’s become clear that the Government isn’t interested in thinking these complicated issues through. They just want to adhere to their agenda at any cost. So I decided to incorporate my uterus and vagina as Delaware Corporations. I figured that was something Republicans would understand. I’m guessing my uterus can contribute to political campaigns now.”

Republicans and conservatives have made fighting against government interference in every aspect of American life their primary reason for opposing government regulations despite the fact that people desperately need government to protect them from predators in the businesses and financial sector. However, Republicans have made interfering a regular practice when it suits their agenda.

Over the past five years the GOP made regulating women’s lives one of its primary objectives due to their devotion to serving the religious right that runs a close second to the Republican loyalty to corporations and the dirty energy sector. The most recent GOP attack has been aimed at de-funding Planned Parenthood which has been driven by politicians who do not have a uterus. It’s within this contradictory agenda that Ms. Penland made her decision to incorporate parts of her body.

“I know Republicans like to pick and choose the things they like to regulate,” continued Ms. Penland, “which is why I incorporated my uterus as an energy company and my vagina as a charitable, non-profit 501(c)(3) religious organization. it’s the only way to keep the prying hands of government out of my body.”

What’s perhaps most surprising, is that the Delaware Division of Corporations, the bureaucracy responsible for managing new and existing corporations, quickly approved Ms. Penland’s request. Gynophore Energy, the name of her corporate uterus and Dementecostal Church of Insanetology, which is the official name of her vagina were both approved within 24 hours of her application. Government insiders who wished to remain off the record, speculated that former Delaware Senator and Vice President Joe Biden might have been involved in expediting her request.

“You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows,” said a somewhat smug government insider. “The Democrats have become quite savvy at undermining everything the GOP does. And they’ve done it by ‘giving ’em enough rope,’ if you know what I mean. This has Biden’s fingerprints all over it, probably with Obama’s blessing.”

Ms. Penland is not sure what her next steps are, however she’s confident that these moves will keep cultural conservatives out of her body.

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TheDirtmover
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TheDirtmover

She might think twice when a Democrat demands inspections on a multitude of corporate regulations.
From Fed. “American’s with disabilities act” to carbon emissions standards. Just wait for the IRS to “take a look”.

Loretta Splittair
Guest

Perhaps you might want to withhold your tacit criticism of the 14th Amendment until you see how it was applied towards the 2nd Amendment by the SCOTUS in 2010. The bench ruled and clarified earlier decisions (District of Columbia v. Heller, 2008) that personal gun ownership is protected under the 14th’s due process clause. IOW, it’s more than just about handicapped parking spaces.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McDonald_v._City_of_Chicago

TheDirtmover
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TheDirtmover

And that has just what to do with turning your woman “parts” into an LLC?
Don’t forget to pay those lovely Corp. taxes. You , know,, Corporations need to pay “their fair share”.

TheCommenterz
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TheCommenterz

The government and the GOP have no interest in her uterus. The GOP just wants to protect innocent human life from the selfish desires to kill it. It seems PP is more likely to invade her uterus.

ParmalatHarlot
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ParmalatHarlot

And PP would be required to tithe her. She’s making a point. Doesn’t mean she’s ever actually had an abortion. If you want one million unwanted children born every year; you should get to adopting.

TheCommenterz
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TheCommenterz

So you answer is to kill them?

ParmalatHarlot
Guest
ParmalatHarlot

Wouldn’t have to if we had comprehensive sex education to prevent pregnancy in the first place.

TheCommenterz
Guest
TheCommenterz

We have sex ed in all schools and it hasn’t prevented pregnancy. It has only taught kids more about sex without restrictions.

Webmaster Tim
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Wut? Data please. Science and shit, and not crazy talk.

TheCommenterz
Guest
TheCommenterz

You first, Timmy.

Webmaster Tim
Guest

Hey, the way it’s been done for several hundred years is the person who makes the crazy claim, has to back it up with data, not the person requesting it.

TheCommenterz
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TheCommenterz

I refer you to the Alan Guttmacher Institutes findings that indicate abortion actually increases unwanted pregnancy. Basically, it found during the heat of the moment people think “If I get pregnant, I can have an abortion.” However, once they get pregnant their conscience kicks in and they can’t go through with it. I will let you do the research to find the reference.

Webmaster Tim
Guest

The States with the highest pregnancy rates are the ones with “Abstinence Only” Sex Ed. For your viewing pleasure.

TheCommenterz
Guest
TheCommenterz

That is meaningless. Is it a result of Abstinence Only or is it low income. You can’t prove one if you muddy the research like that. How do you explain Georgia, Arizona and Nevada?

jora75
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jora75

The states with the highest pregnancy rates also happen to be Southern Baptist or have large Hispanic populations. Teenage pregnancy and early marriage are largely matters of cultural preferences, and while it’s a preference that many northern protestants abhor, that abhorrence isn’t shared by other cultures. Northern protestants should perhaps start practicing the “multiculturalism” they preach, which includes the fact that other cultures prefer other choices when it comes to reproduction.

ParmalatHarlot
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ParmalatHarlot

Because sex education is a joke. It’s taught as “here’s a bunch of scary STD pictures; be abstinent.” other than that; they split the girls and boys they learn about their own puberty but, nothing much more.

randallfinkelstein
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randallfinkelstein

Where can I sign up for the “Sex Without Restrictions” class?

Loretta Splittair
Guest

This nation needs more abortions, especially for those how are still stuck in the 19th Century.