Grass Valley, CA — Area woman Bridget Doggins loves Facebook. She really likes it a lot. So when she discovered she was pregnant with her third child, she took to the Internet to share the news.
“I’m usually a very private person,” said Ms. Doggins in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “I’m very security conscious. You know, all that NSA spying and other crap. I just prefer to keep my private person bits private. But having a child is something the community needs to know about. So what better place to share every intimate detail about the glory of a child than on Facebook?”
According to her close friend Janet Williams of Cedar Ridge, Ms. Doggins doesn’t care about her privacy, and uses Facebook as her moment-to-moment drama therapy.
“Bridget has no idea what she’s talking about,” said an annoyed Ms. Williams. “She shared everything. She even shared her new CalFresh/EBT card online. She wanted to know what the numbers meant and she was gleefully ignorant of what she was doing. So it’s no surprise that 1/2 the United States showed up last week to watch her home-birth her third kid.”
According to the Grass Valley Police report, Ms. Doggins created a public Facebook event announcing the home birth of her third child. She then decided that she wanted the entire world to know. As of this writing, over 12,099 people from around the United States said they were going to attend her home birth live at her Grass Valley, CA home. And on the due date, over 1000 people showed up to stare at her coochie.
“This is just like Bridget,” continued a clearly annoyed Janet Williams. “I had to rush over there and tell everyone to go home. People came from as far away as Ohio and Kentucky to watch this. Doesn’t anyone have anything better to do than to stare at Facebook all day? I just don’t understand.”