Houston, TX — Authorities in Houston announced this morning that a fiery car crash last evening took the life of Texas native and ZZ Top guitarist, Billy Gibbons.
“This is a sad day for Texans and the world,” began Houston police chief Charles McClelland at this morning’s press briefing. “We have lost one of our biggest and brightest Texas stars. We have lost our champion of Texas electric blues. Billy Gibbons was born and died right here in Houston. He was a pillar of the community, often spending a great deal of time and money in the community in an attempt to lift anyone who needed a helping hand. He will be greatly missed.”
CNN reporter and cousin to the Bush political family, Harry Bush, pressed the chief for details of the accident.
“It is still early in our investigation,” stated McClelland sadly. “We have been able to piece together a timeline that led up to the crash. Witnesses have told us that Mr. Gibbons and some friends were having a day on the town. They were seen shopping and eating at the Galleria. By all accounts, they seemed to be having a great time. At about 8 pm, the group stopped into Central Houston Cadillac, where Mr. Gibbons purchased a new CTS-V Cadillac sedan. Several hours later, we were called to the scene of the accident.”
When asked about the identity of the other passengers in the vehicle, chief McClelland said, “the identities of the passengers can not be released at this time because we have not yet notified the next of kin. I can tell you that there was one fine fox in the front and three more in the back. They were sporting short skirts and wearing spike-heeled shoes. They were smoking unfiltered cigarettes and wearing nylons too. The driver may or may not have been a beautician. We are not yet sure if the unfiltered cigarettes were a factor in the blaze.”
All further questions were directed to the band’s publicity staff.